My brother, home from college, takes me aside and proceeds to explain to me how my liking of Phish differed from his. He said during his more immature adulation of bands before Phish he was reaching out, trying to find his unique taste in music. He found Phish the hard way, experimenting with many different bands. Testing them for how the made him react. Then at the climax of his musical reaching he found Phish. They, to him, are the pinnacle of modern music. 

He then said that my discovering of Phish was too easy. He, obviously a trusted, more mature older brother, told me that I got things easy because he would kindly show them to me. And from this i easily inferred that he believed my liking of Phish was almost false and that it lacked an infrastructure.

This, more than anything he had ever done to me, outraged every molecule in my body. To insult the thing in this world that means the most to me! I could hardly speak, a huge knot developed in my larynx. I was on the verge of an emotional frenzy of crying, because for a second I believed him. I remembered my entire pre-phish life style and accepted that the mind works in mysterious ways, and that maybe my lack of musical intelligence created a void that i cumbersomely forced Phish into.

And with filling a void i do agree. Phish did fill a large rift in my life. But what he doesn't understand is the reasoning for the void. It is not because i am lacking musical experience. It is simply that i have been raised, in a sense. The first several years of his life he had not realized the importance of music... i believe he realized this much later. But because i learned the importance of music at a young age, because of him, music became the sole purpose of my life.

Genius people are born with the mental capability to metabolize information of all sorts, but what makes them unique is their ability to formulate life-determining ideas.

I am not a genius, but i was damned with the depression of one because a drastic decision in my life occurred at such an early age. So the genius ability to love music was given to me at a young age, but still my non-genius mind had trouble handling the load. As i grew, i heavily analyzed why some people have a taste for one type of music and other people enjoy a different type.

From this two quests were inspired: to find myself, and to find who i am musically. Phish to me became the last piece of the puzzle. It answered all my questions, and never deceived me.

My experience in finding Phish is just as legitimate as my brother's, just different.

And to my brother, to whom i love dearly, Phish is not only music to me, but Phish is ME to me. It is who i am. I thank you soo dearly for introducing me to Phish. I remember on the way home from the mall, after we purchased our first Phish album (Junta), we listened to Divided Sky. I have been a different man ever since.

- Josh