As you go through the ticket check and make your way to the second check where they're frisking people, there is a 3-pack of porta-potties between the two spots. There are cops mounted on horses all over the place. I noticed that just about everybody was passing these bathrooms because of all the Mounties kickin around. So I decide that I'll use them and avoid the lines inside the venue. My partner in crime thinks this is a good idea.

I finished up first and was waiting for him to come out. Out he comes, shaking his head. I didn't think much of it except that it was probably a very foul porta potty. As the story goes; he went to sit down and the brand-new one-hitter fell out of his pocket and into the bowl. Needless to say, that pipe was sacrificed to the Porta-Potty gods.

Then we get up to the security check. We see a bunch of people being hassled in one line, so we switch to the other. Bad idea. We were noticed switching lines, so they figured we had something to hide. In my pocket was about 15 tabs wrapped up in tinfoil. It was insanely small and I had huge pockets so I didn't think anything of it. The security guard however, found it right away.

So I'm staring at all these mounted policemen and out comes the wad of tinfoil. The security guard says "What's this?" To which I replied, "It's just trash," and I wadded it up and put it back in my pocket. Silly me, the guard wasn't gonna let that slide, so he asked me if I minded throwing it away. Into the trash they went. I was through... on my way to the show, 15 hits in the trash, fuck it, I'm not in jail.

Then my compadre reaches the line and he's got pipe number 2 stashed under the front of his waste line. Immediately the security guard gets a hand on it, to which my friend reacted by grabbing the pipe and giving it a hail-mary into the back of the crowd. We didn't hear it break, so hopefully someone's still using it. He got yanked over by the police and I had to keep walking into the venue so that I wouldn't get associated.

As I'm walking up the steps I'm wondering if he's going to jail, how we're gonna find him, what the hell are we gonna do etc., I hear his voice and he comes running up the steps. High-fives all around. We had pavillion seats for the 2nd night and 2nd night only... Immediately I stubbed down a girl and her boyfriend and our karma was back in shape. We were all outa pipes at this point, but they had us covered. Drowned opener... the Happy Chalkdust song... the Moby Dick 2nd Set... What Tabs? What pipes? I'll see you guys on Valentine's Day.

- Carlos J.