Submit: What do you think it means to be a phishhead?

Wisco- Phish:

• All you do is sing Phish and think of Phish
• You know everybody's Phish stats that you hang out with, even if they don't
• You read the companion, even though you have studied the Pharmers Almanacs since the first one
• You sometimes feel Phish is on hiatus for reasons other than the mentioned ones
• When you realize that the most beautiful times you have had for the last six years were all at Phish shows
• When all of life's ups and downs can be understood listening to You Enjoy Myself

Mike:

• when your names are in 2 songs, quinn the eskimo and mike's song... my name is mike quinn
• when you know (hopefully) phish is gonna do a new year's show

Lilly:

• you wake up the next day with a huge purple thing around your mouth from trying to play the vacuum with your phriends ALL NIGHT

• all those bastards that say fuck phish after supposedly being phans don't even affect you because you know that its not about the kids, its about the music

Rutherford:

• when you meet cactus mike at an otherwise memorable strangefolk show, and you can't remember if you'd seen strangefolk or folk implosion later that night.
• when your fantasy is not of sex with a supermodel, rather a piano duel between page and stevie wonder.

Billy Warner:

• For your senior year book you put Phish Club, but you don't get pissed off because you know Phish is actually an elite society
• You indirectly know someone who has pulled tubes with Trey after the Oysterhead show in California
• spinning shows is more important than doing anything else
• you know buying CDR's instead of food comes with the territory

Mike:

• you haven't taken off your big cypress shirt since the hiatus started

Kind Kid:

• WALKING AROUND WITH 2 GALLONS OF WATER AFTER A SHOW CAN MAKE PEOPLE TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU
• EVERY TIME A PHISH SONG COMES ON, YOU JUST SEEM TO LOVE YOUR GIRL JUS A LITTLE BIT MORE
• 15,000 STRANGERS CAN FEEL LIKE FAMILY
• THE THOUGHT OF THE TONE WHEN MIKE GETS OUT OF HIS BASE GIVES YOU GOOSE BUMPS
• TOUR MAKES YOU MOST CONTENT
• YOU ARE HAPPY THEY'RE TAKING A BREAK BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WAS BEST FOR THE BAND

Colleen Mc:

• When you sing train song non-stop for like an hour on the train with your phriends just because it was the perfect mood.

Ryan Bennett:

• It's all about heading out on a December morning from Illinois to a warmer Cincy with 60 bucks in your wallet, Five P+J sandwiches, Four tickets, THREE jugs of water, TWO childhood buddies hitting up two nights of shows, ONE nearly broken Saab, 1/4 of mushrooms, and NO hotel room.
• Tears running down my eyes as the first riffs of Carini hit to open the last Vegas run to date.
• Phish and we phans best exemplify a dire thirst for good music. Music without borders, life without boundaries.

Rob:

• your boss keeps telling you to take your damn vacation already, and you reply "not till this damn hiatus is over!!"
• you visit pholktales.com everyday, just cause you miss them soooo much
• you're not gay, but you enjoy making love to a song named brian & robert
• you miss your phamily
• you dream about the next tour, and past ones, for that matter

Jake:

• when you listen to the las vegas "Walfredo" and that brings you to tears
• your life long ambition is to hang out at trey's house with the band
• when you are ready to go anywhere in the world to see the first show when they come back
• instead of surfing the internet for porn, you look for a better phish picture for the wallpaper of your computer

Johnny B:

• Your e-mail address has to have something to do with Phish (but most everything is taken)!
• You've driven into Montana and had to turn around and do it again because the CD player wouldn't read "A Live One" the first time!
• Your two-year old niece knows the words to more than one phish song and most of Gamehenge just by hanging out with you (I love you Alexis!)
• When your homepage is Gadiel's, and you know there will be no new tour dates for a long, long time, but you still check it out. 5-10 times a day!
• When you realize how this hiatus is making you love and respect Phish more!
• You have money put away so you can get your tickets to the next show!

Graham:

• You cry when you hear the first few riffs from YEM, and wish they would come back.
• You and your friend get kicked out of a restaurant because you were singing a a capella My Sweet One
• You spend every minute of free time at school downloading shows from nugs.net, so much that the school tries to punish you if you don't stop.
• Everyone gives you weird glances because you sing Possum all day.

Spencer:

• you stay up all night to watch oysterhead on reverb just to see what Trey has been up to, even though Les Claypool phreaks you out and will most likely give you nightmares.

Josh:

• your trying to explain phish to mom or dad.

Jess:

• it's hard to type remarks about being a phishhead because you are dancing too hard to The Wedge right now.
• when you write phish quotes on any blank paper that you come across at work.
• when you've already convinced 3 non-phans that you live in Gamehendge, and they believe you.
• if you are already fully prepared to tour and consider hiatus time to stock up on hemp and patchwork to sell.
• when your "friend" screams at you that she "hates phish!", it feels like someone just shot you, and you reconsider ever speaking to her again.
• when you're still in shock that someone could not like phish.
• the feeling you get when someone knows that you just made a phish reference in a normal conversation, (yeah, you know what I'm talking about)
• seeing another person with clothing or whatnot that represents phish makes your day.
• when you walk around smiling, just because you're thinking of how much you love PHiSH.

Sloan:

• Mike sits down next to you at a bar in Muncie, Indiana, and you and he go to another bar across town, and all you can talk about on the ride over is Bill Murray's movie "The Man Who Knew Too Little," cause you don't want to bring up the hiatus.
• You realize that Phish helped you realize that LIFE IS GOOD!

Colleen:

• you wake up and realize the greatest thing this world has to offer is a Phish show.
• you follow cars with phish stickers until they pull over and be your friend.
• you're convinced they're magnificent return will include a 3 day Phish Phest in which you'll discover the Meaning of Life.
• when you realize you weren't living before you listened to Phish.
• the only times you get angry are when ignorant people say Phish is like the Grateful Dead.
• you can't go 5 minutes without praying they'll stop this insane hiatus
• you consider psychiatric help because you cant stand this hiatus ANY LONGER!!!!!!

Billy:

• you're in science class and a chick asks you what music style you listen to, and you remark "phish"

superV2500@aol.com

• You have a phish bathroom collection, so u can listen phish while takin a crap
• You realize that u r a member of a group that was given somethin special
• You realize the everyone that signs this thing is a god given brother to you, much love my boys!

Hiatus sux:

• you are at a concert and a dude who you have never even seen in your life tells you his life's story and the directions to his home in Hadley, CT

Dan Shapiro:

• you and your friends sit around and do vocal jams just for kicks
• you come to earth science class every morning with a new live phish cd
• you wear a Big Cypress t-shirt even though you didn't really go... but you like to tell people that you did
• You think that if you ever get drunk near a tattoo parlor you'll wake up the next morning with trey anastasio's face on your back
• You keep listening to the country music station on the radio just in case they ever play My sweet one, or Poor Heart
• You name your glass pipe after a phish song

Ryerye:

• No matter what you say (during the hiatus), every sentence ends with "...and how fat it is going to be when Phish starts touring again?"

Gabe:

• you have a bunch of Phish dubbed on cassette, and even though you can get all of the shows off the internet on cd you don't 'cause you "like the hiss" (7/16/94)

treyisgod-phishrox:

• when your son, who is ten, can play phish better than you
• if you meet your wife at a concert
• if your son's name is trey and page

Dave:

• when freshman tell you that Phish broke up cause they said it on Dawson's Creek, and all you can do is shake your head
• when the simpsons makes the slightest reference to anything involving Phish, you start to cry
• when you think that they are announcing the end to the Hiatus on the Simpsons this spring

Tiff and Ben:

• When you're sitting in anatomy class and your instructor mentions "axilla" or "golgi Apparatus," and instead of taking notes you start singing the song in your head.
• You hear yourself muttering, "Trey's the shit." At least 10 times a day.
• although you've listen to Maze and Chalk Dust 25,000 times, you still look at your girlfriend and say, "Listen to this guitar riff. Did you hear it? Isn't that awesome?"
• You just NEVER GET TIRED OF THEM!
• You ask "someone" you just met for the first time to name 5 songs from gamehenge just to make sure they're not undercover.
• You buy your parents Phish cd's for Christmas in hopes they will eventually like them... you know better... you really just bought yourself a Christmas present.
• You have no idea who the hell those people are on the MTV video awards are anymore because you only listen Phish... I mean who can compare?
• When you hear, "a thousand bare foot children outside, dancing on my lawn." And you imagine yourself.

Joe:

• you read this entire thing because it has to do with phish
• you meet some of the kindest people at shows and share the groove with them
• you can turn someone on to phish that used to hate them
• people ask how much money you have spent on phish and you don't know, don't care
• you have read the entire pharmers almanac, vol. 6, instead of listening to your professors
• "moma dance" is something that you say to your girlfriend that secretly means "I love you"
• you could talk for hours about kind music with people you have known for 5 minutes.
• the first time you "GET IT" and just smile because your world is soooo about to change

T.D.H.:

• when your parents don't let you go out at night cuz they're overprotective retards, so you listen to phish from 11pm-11am the next day when you have to go to work.

possum2001:

• - You hear a vacuum, and just smile.
• - You skip your smoke break at work to read this list.
• - You've ever played hack in the middle of Alligator Alley.
• - You get chills every few lines of this list.
• - You've met another Phan at a gas station and went to their house and partied even though neither of you know each other.
• - Watching Bittersweet Motel and Live at the Hard rock Cafe brings tears to your eyes.

colleen:

• You give up creative writing because everything you've ever wanted to convey is already in a Phish song.

ed:

• you go to culinary school to learn how to make better goo-balls.
• you blurt out "Damn Hiatus" into an otherwise normal conversation.
• you develop "Hiatus-related Turrets syndrome."
• you think of Phish every time someone says "The trout was so big..."
• you think of Phish every time some-one says anything at all, for that matter.
• a non phan calls you fishy, you mistake this as a supreme compliment
• when writing, you more often than not use the prefix "ph" without thinking
• you happen to be my phriend alec

Jillian:

• when you masturbate to trey playing the gutair in bittersweet motel.
• your little 10 yr-old sister knows more than 10 songs from driving around with you so much.
• When you take your Phish shows in college with you from the car, cause you don't want them to get stolen.
• When you dream about their first show back from this damn hiatus.

head from canada:

• you honestly don't think you could have kept your sanity from a break up of a 6 year marriage without the therapy that is Trey's voice.
• you tell your 3 year old son a bedtime story every night, and it's always about Gamehenge.

Bano:

• You have trouble reading tour stories because you want them to tour again so badly
• you own every studio album and as many bootlegs as you can find, and you still want more
• You've read the "Phish Companion" cover to cover
• you've bought a grilled cheese on tour even though you're not hungry, you just wanted to help that guy get to the next show
• you can't bear another day of this hiatus, which it is, and threaten others for saying they broke up

Rob: 

• this hiatus is becoming to much to bear.

Kirklander:

• When you are reading "you get chills every time they hit that first chord in Dirt," and then get chills just from reading that.
• You still get teary eyed remembering that Velvet Sea @ Big Cypress. It seems I'm not the only one.
• If you resist all the urges that make you want to go across the room and kill your friend talking smack about Phish during Bittersweet Motel.
• When you masturbate to a sick PYITE you saw back in 98'. Just kidding- or am I... No for real I'm kidding! OK OK, maybe just once.  No really I'm kidding.  No I'm not.
• When you discover something as kewel as PholkTales & know you really "monitor scored" something.
• When you want to find those dickhole cops from "$520 NYE T-shirt" & leave them tied up in a mosquito infested swamp after taking their fingerprints, but not with ink, more of a crystal like substance :)
• When you wake up one day and lovingly realize that you really don't care if the world explodes :)
• Lost my mind just a couple-a-times
• When you realize PHISH is just a continuation of the Picean age & a foretelling of the coming of Christ & the groovieness He shall bestow upon man.
• When the Good times, Bad times are: On tour/not on tour. Just kidding, life rocks and so does PHISH!!!
• Oh yeah, about earlier... Thankfully yes I am just kidding.  No, no I'm not.

shane d:

• you constantly check "phishing pole" just to see if they have got their shit together yet.
• you laminate your "I Went" bumper sticker.
• you find your lost friend two days later at a 3 day show.
• you make a shirt about phish when you think up something clever... by the way... "how many phish phans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" ... one to screw it in and seven to make t-shirts.
• you still think they say: once you ficks it drive me to ferensen.
• whenever it is sweltering hot, you think it is not as bad as was oswego.

Jason K:

• after oysterhead you went to a halloween party... somebody asked you what you were dressed as, and you said "phish kid"
• you spent the entire day trying to find out if the rumor you heard last night that they were playing NYE at the garden was true
• the most exciting part of your day was going over to your friends house to burn shows because they were sound board quality
• you check every day to see if Phish announced a new show
• your dance piece for your movement class was 2001
• your non kid friends say what's the big deal about seeing a show
• you don't go grocery shopping so you can see a show this week
• the first question you ask when you meet someone is what kind of music do you listen to
• you read every thing on this page because you felt an indescribable need

R:

• you write your senior term paper on gamehenge

ShaggyDog:

• When you read these stories and have seen some of them happen (Big Trouble, Big Cypress for example). I definitely gave that guy cash for an orange. Glad to hear I could help brother.

Jessica:

• Everything reminds you of a Phish song.
• You respond to yes or no questions with maybe so or maybe not.
• Every time you see a deer crossing sign, you point and yell "Out of control!" (because you're convinced it's really a running antelope)
• You and your friends have long discussions over what they are really saying in YEM.
• You play scrabble using only Phish related words.
• You laugh and laughing fall apart on a daily basis.
• You call everyone you know when you find out that Phish is going to be on The Simpsons (spring '02)because it's the combination of the 2 best things in the world.
• You can talk to people for hours and hours about Phish, even if they are not interested.
• You try to make a tape for your non-phishhead friend, but end up fighting with yourself trying to decide which songs to put on it.
• You can never truly respect your non-phishhead friends.
• You laugh every time your geography teacher says "It's ice."
• You get chills every time they hit that first chord in Dirt.
• You write quotes from Phish songs on dollar bills, with hopes that you'll put a smile on someone's face.
• You've relayed the Gamehendge saga more times that you can remember.
• You sing Lengthwise to people who have never heard of Phish.
• You promise yourself never to be like Brian and Robert.
• You're realize that you're hopelessly addicted to Phish, but you don't mind.

Jake:

• every person you meet you have at least one phish song to remember them by
• you have trouble finding girls attractive who can't appreciate it
• a girl in your car sings along to Prince Caspian and you immediately like her 10 times more
• you want to put in waste so the same girl will sing it with you and then you will float away on a cloud of happiness
• you reorganize your CD's every month
• it is hard to realize your first show was actually real and not a dream.
• while reading all of these, a warm shiver runs through your body because you can relate to it and know it's true
• you try to tell your parents, but they just don't understand
• you tell your parents you want to go see several shows and they reply with, "you want to see the same band two times in a row?"

James Gilbert:

• You work in a grocery store and you can't pass up the opportunity to put up the Hood display in the most prominent place in the store, and you spend hours bragging about great versions to any customer that walks by.
• You know the HPB by heart.
• Someone says something to you and you say back: "hey, that's in a Phish song!"

Captain Happy:

• The music of Phish becomes a way of life that you have accepted. This way of life makes you more happy than anything else. This way of life is knowing that many, many people also believe in your way of life. You will never be alone when you are on the level in this way of life.

ShaggyDog:

• When you realize the deep meaning behind the line "What is the central theme to this afterlasting spoof" after reading it on this page.

Jimi Dube:

• when you can't seem to phind yourself with phish on the awful "h" word
• when yem pheels like an orgasm because all you can think of is your phirst show
• you have the sixth sense of knowing there is another phan around
• when all you can do is laugh until you fall apart because sparkle really isn't nearly fast enough for you
• when you think the dead is a phish cover band
• you have a box of prized possessions including the almanac ticket stubs and the shirt you wore to your first show
• you bought the last white beanie with the green lettering and green fluffy ball on it on 9/11/01
• when you think page is the most underrated musician in the world
• you really think you know what's goin on in the guys heads
• you could make up anything about phish, and in your mind it is true for that split second

Colin:

• You spell everything that starts with an F with a PH.
• You hear Waste and start to cry.
• You translate your phavorite phish songs into your phavorite foreign language, then trying to see if the words fit with the original lyrics. (It never works, it doesn't rhyme, some words don't translate right, the syllables don't match up, etc.)

Jon:

• When you've ever gotten hopelessly lost in Burlington, Vermont trying to find Nectar's ("best fries this side of...France")
• when you maintain the "silent treatment" against phellow phans and phriends who disagree with you on the words of YEM
• when you've listened to "Montana" more than once in the same sitting
• when you suddenly develop an affinity for Boston just because Phish played "Foreplay (Long Time)"
• when you're wearing a Phish shirt and some Abercrombie-clad girl in your philosophy class patronizingly says to you, "they're sorta like the Dave Matthews Band, aren't they?"(no offense to DMB)
• you've ever considered majoring in philosophy, just because Trey did
• you've compared Trey to Jesus on more than one occasion
• when you and 3 of your friends have done a cappella versions of "TFTB," "YEM," "Harry Hood," and other largely instrumental pieces sitting around the lunch table, while all the football players look at you like you're wearing pink tutus.
• You have actually heard recordings of "Dear Mrs. Reagan" or "Prep School Hippie" more than once.
• You have quoted Phish more than once in your high school yearbook "Can't this wait 'till I'm old, can't I live while I'm young?","What is the central theme to this everlasting spoof?"
• You are holding out for the reunion of the 8 Foot Fluorescent Tubes
• You have read this entire freaking list.

Breeden:

• you have brushed your teeth in rhythm to YEM, and not even noticed until afterwards.

Submit: What do you think it means to be a phishhead?