• You realize that the kid Shifty who posted about losing his virginity is a liar, because you know him and he's a 21 year old virgin, but that's ok cause he's a head so therefore a brother, and you'll let him slide on it.

• you begin to cry after 20 hours of traffic at 6am, when you finally get into Loring AFB and you hear Phish's Amazing Grace instrumental freak out on the radio. absolute bliss and 13 hours till the first set.

• you hear a song on the radio and you want to know what a phish cover would sound like

• you had a good long talk with the "ganja cake" dude wile at "IT"

• you haven't seen a show before, you're 14 and you know every word in Gamehendge
• When playing soccer and the whole team is wearing Wilson jerseys you wrote Death upon on the back of yours.
• You know what YEM, TMWSIY, and CWYTWM means.
• You have nothing else but phish shirts to wear except a pink sweater your grandmother bought you a few months ago.
• You attempted to play the vacuum and choked on dust
• You mastered playing the vacuum
• When you see someone wearing a phish shirt, you shake their hand and tell them it's an honor to be related
• When you see someone who looks like they could possibly be a phishy, you start singing MAZE really loud just for the possibility you could be related
• you're now 17 and been summering phish for 3 years.
• you have 200 tapes underneath your bed and rotate them every night
• There's nothing left to do but smile smile smile -rachel

• When the password to your bank account is "ooompapa"... oooops!

• Your boss buys a new "short bus" for that campground that you work at, and while driving the three hours home with it, you figure that the bus, being larger than the 15-passenger vans the campground usually uses, will be a newcomer but will quickly dominate the customer-transportation scene at the campground and try to keep the vans out of the picture...so you convince your boss to name it Wilson.

• You leave Chicago trying to look for Jesus.
• YEM is the only thing you're thinking about 24 hours a day.
• All of a sudden Fishman becomes a God with a vacuum and the sickest singing ever!

• you were groovin too hard to a killer my sweet one before school with coffee in your hand and you spilt the shit all over your old white phish shirt, but you wore it to school anyway

• your parents tell you that if you waste your money on going to IT they won't send you to college
• you go anyways.
• when you are having a bad day you put on a show and dance around your room pretending to be there because being at a Phish show is the happiest place on earth.
• You run in the Runaway Jim 5K after not doing any sort of exercise for at least a year just so you have a tiny chance of meeting the boys.
• Your friends make fun of you for having a 208 disc cd book and having it designated for your Phish cds.
• Your boyfriend (who's not a phan) feels like you care more about Phish than you do about him.
• You have dreams at least twice a week about meeting one of the boys, or about being at a show.
• You are covered in mud up to your hips after a night of dancing in mud puddles at IT.
• You are dancing like crazy with a group of like 5 people in the mud, just flying around, and everyone around you just stares in awe. Then, a guy comes over to join your group in the mud because "it looked like too much fun."
• You cant sleep at night because you are thinking about how you're going to get to Boston for their 20th anniversary.
• Your life's theme is "Can't this wait till I'm old, Can't I live while I'm young"
• You have a "Phish Phund" where you save money for shows.
• Your heart goes crazy every time the lights go down and the boys step on stage...no matter how many times you've seen them.
• When you hear Page on the grand piano during Loving Cup, you start to cry.
• When you see a car with a Phish sticker on it in a parking lot you leave them an extra copy you have of St Mikes College and a note saying "Surrender to the Phlow"
• And finally...this one is for all of us who were at IT...you know you're a phishhead when you sit in standstill traffic for 15 hours to see your boys... after all, Phish is what life is all about.

• you say "rent or tour"?....... (do I really have to answer this? you know you're a Phish head if it doesn't need an answer)

• your dad's yelling at you to take out the garbage, and you've been saying, "after they next song man, jeeze, chill for the last 3 hours"

• you base your sleeping habits on "lengthwise"
• you write your final thesis for english on all of Phish's history, and you get an 'A'
• the only music you listen to is from a jam band
• you don't even care if downloads are phish singing, if it says it's them, you trust it

• you understand how phucking big trey tears it up!

• it just doesn't feel right making your own grilled cheese
• you name your homebrew "Phish Pale Ale"
• whenever you see a bottle of Sierra Nevada you immediately think of Trey
• you spend your days at work surfing various phish sites trying to get new information

• you don't find moments in a box...
• you hitch from iowa to alpine to meet your brother for the most rockin experience of your life...
• when you didn't know you were that far gone
• when you follow the lines going south....
• you have been a slave to the traffic light..
• you leave a show different from when you came in....
• you laugh when people try to put you down because you listen to phish... (the joke's on them)

• you don't listen to phish for a month before your first show just so every song is an ohh my god moment.
• you spend four hours playing character zero at your band practice.
• you are willing to drink a beer you have never heard of because you are on a budget.
• when you don't know the names to phish songs but you know the solos by heart (all of the solos)
• your theme song for fixin your bus is u enjoy myself just cause it kind of sounds like onceyoufixit drivemetoafrenzy.
• despite living in the ghetto you still blare birds of a feather.
• you are trying to live a life that's completely free.

• you sit in school and "you'll never get outta this maze, you'll never get outta this maze"
• your saving yourself for mike : )
• you're pissed that there's no fall tour and can't wait for the "process" of winter tour to begin
• bio class is suddenly more fun
• you don't walk, you groove!
• you never ask them what it was, you always tell them what it is!!

• you've been pulled over by a makisupa policeman
• you've gotten hypothermia from wading in the velvet sea
• you don't really like bluegrass that much, but listen to Gone Phishin' a bluegrass tribute to Phish, and sing the words along with the song
• your friends don't let you drive anymore, cause they know you'll be playing phish the whole way
• Phish helped you pass biology
• You watch MTV hoping that Down With Diseases will be playing
• When you get mad at SNL, because during the Jarret's Room sketch with Phish, Al Gore says that all four members of Phish went to UVM, even though Page only attended Goddard College

• you watch bootlegging movies about the twenties and instinctively associate it with bathtub gin
• The talking heads versions of cities just doesn't cut it anymore
• You are playing the drums and you realize you would play a lot better in a dress
• Your fantasy all-star super group would consist of Trey, Mike, Page, and fish

• you are in the army and the only friend you made in your first few months was because he liked phish

• you're lonely cause you're new at college, yet watching Bittersweet Motel makes you feel 1,000 times less homesick. AIM: Puck707

• If you had the option of having sex with anyone on the planet or seeing phish: You know you would be at that show

• you can't get out of your car until the ghost jam you're listening to is completely over.
• you don't care that non-phans think you're nuts for staying in your car for 10 minutes to finish a ghost jam.

• you are at your first phish show with one of the first guys you ever loved and 'wading in the velvet sea' is played and it's all you can do not to cry.
• your senior quote was "this has all been wonderful, but know im on my way..."
• you can't help but compliment a phish shirt or sticker and feel and immediate connection.
• sometime your foot begins to hurt because you have been bouncing out rhythms all through class.
• one of your favorite quotes is trey's "...there are elements of...boston..."
• you remember where you were (montreal 1999), who was with you (Rachel), and what your first phish song was when you heard it (sparkle).
• you don't mind the traffic getting into a show because you know things are only going to get better.
• you know your children's names will have some sort of connection to phish.
• when you are known as a hippie and don't really mind.

• you're stuck in prison for 13 months and every time your local college radio station gets it together enough to play "your boys", you cry big alligator tears.

• You can't wait to get out of class to put your headphones back on and pick up where you left off, even though you're just walking 500ft to your next class.
• When you can call your buddie in NY(3 hrs behind) at 5:30am ET and talk to him for 1hr and 1/2 solely about Phish.
• When your batteries die in your cd player on campus but you can still hear Trey playing Tweezer anyway.
• PHISH!! PHISH!! PHISH!! IM me at dgonzo400, or Ny7belowAz

• You're outcast from your friends because they're so sick of hearing phish, but you don't care cause you still have the 4 greatest phriends in the world.
• You can't wipe the smile off your face before the show even when the undercovers are patting you down in the lot after busting you for smokin.
• You wish you knew one person within a 250 mile radius that shared in the groove. aim-bucer91 I would LOVE to talk to anyone, especially those in the akron area.

• When u name ur baby snapper Harry.... n any other animal u may come across Wilson.
• At least once a day you use a lyric in casual conversation.
• Hood milk is better than any other-- even though you HATE milk.
• Your non phan friends walk around humming or whistling bathtub gin/Guyute/Dirt
• Friends look at the shirt you're wearing that particular day with confusion in their eyes and say, "It must be a phish thing"
• Ur non phishy friend buys u phishfood ice cream n leaves it in ur freezer when ur having a bad day cause he knows ur day will be that much better after that.
• You just get it - when that happens/ if it does-- your perspective on music and so many other things change completely.

• you believe, with unwavering faith, this band is currently at the top of the food chain in the evolution of music! Need I say any more?

• You have forgotten a few times that fee is an actual word as well.

• you, for some odd reason, forget that there is an "F" in the english alphabet.

• Your friends don't even have to ask what band that is in your car CD player.
• You know that AC/DC Bag has nothing to do with AC/DC.
• You have a lot shirt for everyday of the week.
• You still have all your tapes and still listen to every single one of them.
• The piano part to Bathtub Gin is the most beautiful thing you've ever heard. (next to YEM)
• Out of 3,000 people at your high school, you and 4 others that have heard of Phish.
• You get excited for science class, because you feel that it can help.
• You've smelt colors outside on your lawn.
• You've got it simple, because you've got a band.

• You've read Phish.net.... All of it, the FAQ, the Interviews, the reviews, and now find it difficult to find fresh material about the guys that you haven't read yet
• You've been driving by yourself, and you've gotten so lost in a long "Divided Sky" that you miss your exit and drive a good 25 minuets past it.
• Negative reviews can make you sick to your stomach (because you don't want to believe them) and you take the time to refute them (even if you weren't there).
• You have a Phantasytour account.
• You call Mike's voicemail 5 times a day, because it's always full and you just want him to hear your voice and say "whatup".
• Your last minute stop before a show consists of stacking up on tortillas and glowrings.
• Your first born will be named Trey... and this becomes a determining factor in your choice for a spouse.
• You plan on having "The Curtain" played at your funeral.
• You know that you'll always hold a dear place in your heart for that friend that came running up to you on 8/14/02 grinning ear to ear with the GOOD NEWS!
• You added Jon Fishman as a write in candidate for president last election, only to laugh at the bumperstickers they have now.
• You hate your parents for not settling in Vermont.
• You CAN (not do) enjoy seeing shows sober
• During a sick Zarathustra light show, you've actually considered the possibility that Kuroda is some demented puppeteer controlling the band through those lasers.
• You can accept "Watufizi" as a legitimate word.
• You have a stupid drunken friend who has almost landed himself in the ER in an attempt to recreate an Electrolux solo on a Dirt Devil.
• You know that someday you'll make a pilgrimage to the rhombus.
• "Summer" has become synonymous with "tour"

• When you're a college track athlete, and your pre-race song is "Run Like an Antelope"

• You can air drum every base beat, fill and cymbol crash that Fishman plays on all of their songs and you are not even a drummer.

• "2001"...you get goosebumps every time!!
• you wear only your Phish shirts all year

• The Rabbi at your wedding writes a special blessing for you and your wife based on the lyrics from the song Lifeboy (because he too is a Phishhead!!!): "Stranded on this slender string / The minutes seem to last a lifetime"

• you're not still alive because you killed yourself when phish went on hiatus.
• instead of having books on your bookshelf you have over 700 phish shows.
• you've taken more than 6 tests in one day on material that won't be covered for months so that you don't have to come back from tour 'til finals.
• you're more than willing to sacrifice time, money, health, sleep and food to stay on the road another couple weeks.
• you throw a show in the CD player and start dancing around your apartment as a tear comes to your eye
• you vote Fishman for president

• You are with your roommate discgolfing at 8am because you just got off work working the night shift, and you get to the third hole after 2 holes of phish talk. You realize that it will only take 5 hours to get to East Troy from East Lansing, so you call another friend and hit the road by 9am, and on the way you call Maze and Ya Mar and catch one of the best shows you've ever seen on 7/19/03.

• you get upset when you ask somebody if they listen to Phish and they respond with, "Yeah, I have their Farmhouse CD."

• After listening to phish all day at work at the pool, you get into the car and you're like, "i need something different," and you throw in Fluffhead.
• You're driving in the hills and just as you come over the hill to a clearing, you see the sky, the sun setting, the lake in the distance just as trey is singing "passing through the corridor," and you are in Gamehendge.
• You're driving to a free Dickey Betts show in the 'cuse and you see a billboard in the distance... it's plain white with three capital black letters, FEE. And that's the only writing on the billboard

• your wife is making cheese sticks in the oven and you ask her if they are done yet. At that point she looks, and says, "Yeah, I guess so... they are starting to split open and melt," at which point you jump into a dancing frenzy and sing "Split Open and Melt" as she rolls her eyes at you once again because you are a phreak!!!!

• You've chosen not to kill a fly out of respect of Guelah.
• You want everyone who's reading this to say hello and talk Phish with you (AOL: NaturalMysticJah).

• You listen for lyrics to a phish song whenever someone else is talking
• You dress up as Fishman for Halloween, even though no one else dresses up
• You spend a half an hour in front of the mirror with your glasses down and your face screwed up trying to look like Trey
• You get yelled at by your parents when you try to "play" the vacuum
• You have dreams about characters from phish songs being real

• When you realize the reason you get drunk now is to enjoy Mexican Cousin better.
• When you are thinking about naming your child Carini and you're not even pregnant.

• During a conversation you forget what you were going to say and say "Darn, I was going to say something...and it didn't even have to do with Phish either." and your friends don't believe you and make you eat gravel.

• When you warm up for a show you know your going to see by sticking to a strict regimen of phish in a carefully calculated order so that when you finally go, the shock to your body and mind isn't so great but still shakes you inside and out till everything comes loose and flows.

• You sit here in front of your computer with a blank entry box, trying to wrap your brain around this question and attempting to put the inexplicable into words.
• Your concept of time tends to be different from most of the non-phan people you know... "it'll only take us 15 minutes to get there?"
• There's nothing you like better than an insanly extended jam, the longer the better. Let them have their 3:50 radio cuts. We got our boys.
• Character Zero pretty much sums up your feelings towards school.
• You don't particularly care about David Bowie's music, but for 15+ minutes he's been known to be the most important name in the world...
• After a breakup there's nothing you'd like to do more than make him/her sit there and listen to some select tracks that you just KNOW (wish) could bring them around.
• You buy 6 tickets for IT at 12:07 the day they go on sale even though you know you'll be 7 time zones away in Europe when it all goes down. Hey I'm still trying to figure it out! (aim - telablue... i would LOVE to talk to you!)

• When you break out into any phish song when your walkin down the street and the people around u look at you like your crazy.
• When none of your friends have to ask what cd your putting in.

• When you are listening to string cheese or Panic your friends that don't have a clue ask "is this phish?" cuz that's what you listen to 99 percent of the time.

• You know the boys got it right when they wrote 'Bliss'

• You've read all of this, but re-read ones you've slightly forgotten while waiting for updates.
• When someone asks can we PLEASE hear something besides Phish, you say "sure, no prob." and pop in a Trey show.
• Your Panera is now selling Hood milk, and you buy it every chance you get, though you have no desire for any milk.
• Your non head friends ask you to "please not bring this conversation back to Phish"

• You caught Fluffs disease.
• You Squeased in time to stash the gumbo.
• You stepped inside the freezer.
• You believed the forest.
• you laughed and laughed and fell apart.
• You started a revolt with the lizards to drive out Wilson You're still searching for the finish in this maze.

• You wake up in the middle of the night crying because you had a dream that your car broke down and you never made it to the show.

• Grooving is your sport of choice
• Your friends can't understand how you can listen to a song with no words for 15 minutes, and you think that's its not worth it to go into a 5 minute long explanation.
• You get strange looks when you tell non-phish phans what MELT and YEM mean when they look at your shirt.
• You pheel a mutual phriendship with someone you've never met before because you see they are wearing a Phish shirt.
• Your dogs name is Suzy Greenberg.
• You've given up trying to get your phriends into Phish and all you can do is pity them phor they do not know what it's like to love and enjoy something as much as you do.
• Your already planning out ways to tour with phish when you graduate phrom high school (2 years left!!!!)

• When your songs on your computer are seperated as "Phish" and "Not Phish". Or in the case of Trey solo songs, or Pork Tornado, or Vida Blue, or Mike and Leo are classified as "25% Phish".

• Game 4 of the 2003 NBA Finals, and you have no idea who even won because you were busy looking at the back of Phish's heads.
• Game 6 comes on, and your roommate says, "Hey, the game's coming on..." and your first thought is, "Yea, but is Phish singing the anthem? No...? Then phuggit."

• You are waiting in line for the bathroom at a grappa boom show and mike walks by and you don't have to go to piss anymore.

• You wear "simple" shoes

• You go to the IT website and you find yourself staring at the front page for an hour, just imagining what IT's gonna be like.

• You go to your prom and have a mouth jam with two other phriends.
• When you have have to say is "I am going to see two phish shows" to feel better.
• When you wake up at 5:30 to wait in line for tickets and the girl behind you says "you look like page" and you about cry

• The only A u got on any psychology assignment was the paper you got to write about PHISH in. and the teacher liked it!

• It's been four years since you last saw the boys play and you still get chills just thinking about the lights goin' down. Why don't they play the Big Island damn it!

• You start to have very real dreams about gamehenge.

• You've just started getting into the music and you originally didn't get a single "you know..." and you go back 2 weeks later and have a laughing riot and realize just how much you've come to love them.

• You're somewhere listening to phish and out of nowhere you realize how much its a part of you.
• You've turned your life around and the soundtrack is phish.
• You can't stop that chill from going down your spine every time you hear a crazy crowd roar, everyone yelling hood, or trey or page bustin out, no matter how many times you've heard it before.
• Even though you can relate to every other head in the lot, you also know part of your experience is something no one else will ever get

• You go to the bank and ask for some powerful pills.
• Whenever you need to get some thinking done, you look for the nearest dry ice factory.

• The only thing that is getting you through a shitty summer of studying for the Bar Exam is your Vegas DVD and the certainty that two hours after the last multiple choice circle has been filled in you will be in your car on the way to Limestone.

• Your interpretation to any music you hear is "the noodle"
• You turn your music up really loud and pretend your back at the show
• Any dreadhead is automatically family

• You can't think about summer tour before u go to sleep cause the excitement will keep you up all night
• People ask, "how can u listen to this", and u just feel sorry for them

• You're playing frisbee in the school halways and it goes an inch over you're teacher's head, when she says "why are you trying to kill me", you yell "CAUSE YOU'RE A BIG BLACK FURRY CREATURE FROM MARS"

• The applause from the crowd gives you chills as if you had just been phreed phrom a prison sentence

• When youve come to realize that phish really is life.
• People label you as 'that' girl that loves phish.
• You introduce phish to every one in your grade.
• You not only listen to music, you feel, and relate to it.
• You rely on phish to brighten your worse days

• You spend countless hours reading everyone's "You know you're a phishhead when..." statements.

• You opt for NIFUDO instead of OJDIDIT as the personalized license plate of your White Bronco.

• You're listening to a show, and you can't change the cd until the sets over.. even though you've heard the cd 100 times before.

• You take your buddies Dad to his first show, and now he's running solo to Trey Shows and going to IT!

• You're at you're first Phish show, and they cover a song by your favorite band (Misty Mountain Hop - 07/20/99), and you realize that the band that was your favorite up until 2 hours ago can't even hold a candle to your new favorite band!

• You and your best friend can count off 1-2-1-2-3-4 and immediately sing all of YEM.
• You imagine the perfect girlfriend as sone one who likes Phish.
• You compare all other music you hear to Phish.
• In every single theatre you in you say "Man, YEM would kick ass in here!"
• You have about 8,000 different ideas for "YOU know you're a phishhead when."

• You have all the jams from A Live One memorized.
   

• You walk in to your local Panera Bread store with your friend for Sunday morning breakfast and after ordering your bagel and chocolate milk you go sit with your friend when the waitress brings out your food the first thing you notice is your chocolate which says HOOD in big letters you look up at the waitress in aw because you have never seen a hood dairy product before because they don't sell them around where you live so you get up from your seat and give the waitress a big hug and say you've made my day.  You keep the milk carton.

• You know you are a phishhead because when u are listen to a phat jam no one talks or someone just says something stupid like " isn't it crazy that there are more Subways in the United States than McDonald's" and then that person gets hit by something.
• That when you go to get you are phirst phish ticket u get up at six in the mourning and then u find out it goes by a lottery that u end up last in line. I don't no about u guys but i was pretty pissed about that deal.

• Attending a show you are surrounded by thousands of people you dont know but would never call them strangers.
• When your middleclass ordinary parents start to appreciate the music and are interested in attending a show.
• When you get your kicks from playing a song and your phriends who dont know what its about start groovin.

• You get a call from a friend saying they have an extra for the third night in Hampton 3 hours before the show starts
• Wearing your patched cloths and talking to anyone else whos gotum on
• Knowing there your band
• Everything everyone wrote

• When you write a screenplay for Gamehenge.
• When you take the time to log how many song's you have seen played (259) and how many times you have seen them played (most: Antelope, 21) and where you were when you first saw them played (1st show:4/23/92).

• You notice that "Bliss" (the 9th track on Billy Breathes) has never been played live and you are determined to get the boys to play it Summer Tour 2003!!!!! I'll be the one holding up the BLISS sign.
• You are a hetrosexual female and find yourself strangely attracted to Mike Gordon.

• You've just had sex for the first time, and are disappointed, and decide that having sex isn't as amazing as listening to trey sing and strum a rapidly solo, or mike laying down a phunky groove, or john beating the skins, or page, tickling the ivory with his magnificent touch.
• You choose to have your tickets ordered standard mail, because you love the sense of anticipation.

• You would sell your sisters baby...naw don't sell the baby just eat it!! sell your sisters kidneys for ticket jack!

• You keep track of time not by the clock, but by what song your on in an album.

• You know one person who likes phish, and he likes them for the Wrong reasons.

• You intellectually know it's better to get exposed to diifferent music, but diiferent music becames a verion of fluffhead you've never heard

• You fly to Ohio to a old friends wedding, whom doesn't like Phish, and @ the reception Phish comes on from the DJ speakers, and you look at your friend whom suddenly looks like Icculus and you thank him...for he is good.

• When Jesus is jammin next to you

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